Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Still Doing Very Well

Just wanted to check in.  Still feeling very well.  My neck, oh my neck.  It is killing me, and I know its because I am tapering the prednisone.  My neck has not hurt in I don't even know how long its been, its been quite a while.  The lungs are hurty, but that could be due to the recent trauma.  My hands hurt.  But yet, There are those worse off, God bless them, and I mean that.  I'm looking at you Cass, my friend.  I wish I had some fairy dust or a magic wand that could make you better.  Hang in there hun!


But as for me, other than the aches and pains of the RA waking up due to less prednisone, other than that, I'm still feeling very well.  I've felt bad for nearly two years *shake my head*, two years and all it took was a drain.  Well, anyway.


Its a short one today, Just checking in to say "hi".

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Validated - Vendicated


Had my appointment with Dr. G today, it went well.  I didn't tell him everything that *other* doctor said, but I did bring up the prednisone, and he totally agreed with me, and when I said "she tried to BS me to make her point"  he agreed with me.  He said "keep tapering, SLOWLY, and if the wheels start to come off, stop tapering and call me".  Then I told him what she said about how I'm not so bad off.  He said "as far as the RA in your joints, no yours is not that bad (I've never denied this, I know this), but as far as what is happening to your lungs, *that* is very significant and can not be downplayed"  and I said "And just because there are those worse off, does not diminish nor invalidate my condition"  and he said "that's right, it does not.  She shouldn't have said that to you". 

 

All in all, it was good.  He seemed as pleased as I am about how much better I am, even he said "you look a whole lot better than you did last time I saw you".  Then he verified that there is indeed air coming out of the bottom of my lung again.  He said that at the very bottom, there's still no air, but just about 2 inches up, there's air.  And its full on at my shoulder blade, where just in October that was deminishing.  Yay!  He also told me he'd seen all the reports and the HRCT and that the effusion was indeed much worse than it had been in July.  I have a feeling....he's probably going to share those with Dr. Eye.  Good.  Share away!  She needs a set-down.  Still, I will never respect her again, nor trust her...a means to an end.

The Mr. drained me last night, and only about 40cc of liquid came out.  Every drain is lower and lower.  That is a good thing!!  I have to call the surgeon's office tomorrow to find out when I need to come back, and give them the drain amounts.

Friends, honestly, I haven't felt this good in over a year.  It is amazing what just enough oxygen to the brain will do for you.  It still hurts to take a deep breath, it still hurts to cough or sneeze.  But the light head is gone, the dizzy is gone, I can EAT A MEAL and still walk and talk at the same time. 
As far as the tapering, its going ok.  I have said that when the RA hit the lungs and eyes, its like it went into remission in the joints, I even stopped having morning stiffness.  Well, its waking up.  My neck has been hurting for days, and that hasn't hurt in months and months.  My hands, that the RA has never affected, are hurty.  But still, there are indeed those worse off than me.  And ya'll have heard me say how guilty I feel sometimes because I don't suffer as much as some, and I have always responded very well to the meds.  I am NOT ungrateful.  I am blessed!  And if I can get back to just 10mg a day on the prednisone, I can put up with a stiff hurty neck and hurty hands, if it means the moon face will go away, the belly will shrink, and I can be my happy self again, and not the raging prednisone-bitch I had become.  And still am to a point, although I have learned to rein it in, it still rears its ugly head sometimes, especially in traffic.  Prednisone gave me road rage.  :/

But anywho -   I'm so much better.  I just can't say that enough.  I was so sick, for so long, I had literally forgotten what "feel good" felt like.  Blessed.  And giving my Creator the glory.

Its so damn cold here, it was 18 degrees when I got up yesterday, and most days it doesn't get passed freezing at 32.  That plays havoc with the RA, but I'm managing.  The Norco keeps me on top of any pain.  But still ready for some warmer days.  However, the sun is shinning gloriously bright today.  And that makes me smile.  :)  And the fact that its pay day doesn't hurt!

Still have made no decision about my appeal for early retirement.  The letter I got was dated 13 December, I got it the day I got out of the hospital.  They give me 30 days to respond, where in there was also TWO major holidays in there.  There is absolutely no point in appealing with out new, updated medical information, and there's not time for that.  There is one more avenue I can take, but I haven't checked out all the details.  Its called voluntary early retirement, but comes without the disability payments, and I'm not sure how that works with health insurance.  So I don't know.  To be honest, if I can continue to feel this good, I can keep working.  I no longer feel like I'm dying next week.  And when I start to feel bad again, I'll know what's probably causing it, and get it taken care of.  Yes the lung disease is progressive, no there's no cure.  But if we can keep it on the slow, and take better care of myself, maybe...just maybe, I may have a few years left yet in me.  But we all know how unpredictable it is.  Still, I feel so much better, I can't help but hope.  I have had so many people tell me "wow, your face is so bright!"  "boy you sure are a lot pinker than you used to be"  "your black eyes are gone".  Now, if I can drop about 50 pounds I've gained in the last two years, I'll have nothing else to hope for.  :)

So I'm leaving you today on a good note and a smile.  :)  I'm better!  I'm not cured, I still have issues (neck pain, chest pain, etc etc), but I'm so much better.

Ya'll be sweet, and we'll talk again soon.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Some Good Some Bad -

There's so much to tell, I guess its best to just start at the beginning.  And also, lets not forget this post, it's very apropos to this post.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017, started like any other day, except for that nagging dry cough that I got up with.  I referred to that in this post.   I dressed and went to work, basically feeling fine, or "fine" for me anyway.  Went to lunch with a friend at a local deli, and about half way through my pastrami on rye, I suddenly started not to feel so good (and little did I know at the time, that would be the last solid food I'd eat in a week).  Like I was coming down with something, and the cough got worse.  I went back to work and finished out the day then went on home.  I stopped at the pharmacy and got a bottle of Delsym, and by the time I got home, it was obvious I was sick.  There was a really bad bug going around here, and I'd heard rumors about the flu.  I always get the flu shot, and its only failed me once, so I thought I was safe.  Well....

Around 9:00pm, the "sick" really kicked in, and I had 101 fever.  Took some tylenol for that, threw back some of that Delsym cough syrup and hit the sheets.  It didn't last long.  At about 11:30...it was on.  And it stayed on all...night....long.  People, by morning, my bathroom looked like a crime scene.  I wish I was joking about that.  The fever got higher and higher and nothing I took for it would bring it down, I finally stopped taking it around 3 a.m. when it reached 103.  Throwing up, was the least of my complaints.  I shivered and cried and threw up in the garbage while sitting on the throne, and pounded the cough syrup all night long until at 8 a.m. I figured I'd let the Mr. Sleep long enough.  It was time to do something, and I had no idea how high my fever was.  All I knew is I was very very dizzy (like dizzy as I was with PE), and very disoriented.  I called out as loud as I could without puking, until I got the Mr. awake and told him to call 911.  He asked what was wrong and felt of my head and said "DAYUM!  you are burning up!"  And I was having trouble breathing, my breaths where very short and quick.  Thankfully, it didn't take but about 10 minutes and the ambulance was there.  I was so relieved to hear that siren coming down the road.

The medics came in and asked me some questions and put the oximeter on my finger.  One said I felt very hot and pulled out the thermometer and stuck it in my mouth.  Said medic: "Oh man!  Her temp is 105.7!"  Then the lady medic with him said, "couple that with the other symptoms and I'd say we have a real bad case of flu here. She's probably very dehydrated too."  Well, makes sense.  But I had the flu shot, then I remembered, there was that one year I had the shot but still got the flu.  I was just glad they were there, because honestly I could not remember EVER being so sick, I literally felt like I was dying.  They started an IV with something for my upset tummy and some fluids and away we went.  No sirens this time, but fortunately the hospital is only about 5 miles from my house.

I was in the ER most of the day and it was nearly 3:00 pm by the time they decided I was staying.  The ER was so full, there were people on gurneys out in the hall way.  I was told most of them had come in with flu.   And since I had already told them about the ILD/RA-Lung, they of course wanted to take a chest x-ray.  This is were it all got fun.  Suddenly my flu went to the back burner and that's where it stayed, it was now all about my right lung.  That's all they wanted to talk about.  I'll have to take a break for a few moments and collect all my thoughts.  There's so much.....

A side note:  I found out that Dr G, and his entire staff of doctors at his clinic, no long admit patients to hospital, nor do they make rounds any more.  Not only them, but most of the doctors in this town no longer admit patients.  There's something funny about that and not in the "haha" way kind of funny.  So basically, if you are admitted to the hospital, you are seen by a "hospitalist", that's a whole new title.  Can you say "Control" ?  So my GP no longer has any say in what treatment I receive, meds I'm given.  Folks, that's almost scary.  You are at the mercy of people who don't know you, don't know your history, don't know your story.  Healthcare in America is hitting the skids.  And we used to be the benchmark of leading healthcare.  Now, its a complete joke.

Ok, so they got me to a room and within an hour, a pulmonologist I'd never met (middle eastern looking chap) wanted to know if I was aware of this thick coating around the bottom of my right lung blah blah blah.  As usual, any doctor that doesn't know my story, freaks out when they see my xrays.  I told him yes, Dr G has been watching it yadda yadda yadda, same old speel.  So the next day, another pulmonologist comes to see me, and its the same story.  "did you know your right lung.....blah blah"  "Yes, I know."  Finally, on Sunday evening, a thorasic surgeon came to see me, and thankfully English is his first language because he spelled it out real plain and all "red-neck-southern" speak that my ears could understand.  I told him that Dr. G and I had discussed surgical removal of the old chronic effusion in the right lung, and the surgeon looked at me and shook his head "no".  He said, "its far too late for surgery.  I can't fix that.  The fluid is so old its hardened around your lung and its as thick as an orange peel.  If I start peeling that away, you'll lose half your lung.  The best thing we can do at this point is put in a pleurex catheter, drain the liquid that's there and keep it drained so that the lining of your lung will suck back up to the lung and it will hopefully stop filling."  He asked how it all started and after I talked he said "this should have been done 2 years ago."  And then he asked the question that all three of the doctors asked me at some point.  And that is...  "Why have your doctors allowed this to happen?  Why has nothing been done before it got this bad?"  hmmmmmm.........  Then he said, "Your doctors have played Russian rullet with your lung....and your lung has lost."   GULP.



So, I have a GP who's been saying for over a year "lets just watch it for now, eventually we'll have to do something..."  and I have a Rheumy who's convinced herself and is trying to convince me that there's nothing really wrong with me and she thinks I'm a hypochondriac.  Three weeks, almost to the day, after she (for the second time since I've been seeing her) told me that I'm ".....not nearly as bad off...." as her other patients, three weeks later I'm getting a drain tube installed in my lung.  And its kind of funny...every doctor without exception that has seen my xrays or CT's or HRCT's in the last 2 years, all freak out and say "did you know your right lung....blah blah blah....!!"  All of them, except Dr. eye.   So I have 3 doctors now (a surgeon and 2 lung doctors) who are saying something completely opposite of what Dr. eye says, and believes.  What would you think?  Exactly.  She is full of it.  Here's what I want to know, and I plan to ask her next time I see her.  Seeing how she has not ordered a chest xray on me in 2 1/2 years, and to my knowledge the most recent one she has seen on me was when I was in hospital a year and a month ago with Pulmonary Emboli.  So what the hell does she base the assumption that I'm not nearly as bad off as her other patients, what is she basing that on?   And something else I want to tell her, even if she thinks the person in front of her is the whinniest, biggest hyochondriac in town, as a professional, as a doctor she needs to learn how to, at the very least, fake a little compassion.  Oh and throw in a bit of humility too.  She keeps this up, somebody is going to die on her, and she'll be up malpractice shit-creek without a paddle.  The Mr. is chomping at the bit for me to hire a lawyer and file a suit against her.  I've been paying her good money and allowed her to file claims against my insurance, to look out for me.  To help me.  To take care of me medically.  All I get is I'm fat, addicted (like heroin, remember) and not nearly as bad off as some.  Like I need to be told that.  I KNOW some that are so much worse off than me.  I don't need her to tell me that.  No.  I'm not over it.  She hurt me on a very deep level.  The hubs says I won't get over it until I have my say with her.  Personally I just want to fire her and move on.  But that's easier said than done.....

Hiring a new rheumatologist requires a referral from a doctor.  Seriously, there's part of me that wants to pretend it never happened.  Next time I see her, just go on like it never happened, get my scrips refilled.  Tell her what she wants to hear about the prednisone (talk to her like she's frickin Einstein..."you were SO RIGHT!!")  stroke her ego and go on.  Because at this point, what she thinks, no longer matters to me.  She's the ONLY doctor that has seen me in 2 1/2 years that thinks I'm A-OK.  I don't have to listen to her, and the only thing she has EVER done for me, is fill my Humera and prednisone scrips, and I can get prednisone from Dr. G.  I don't respect her and I don't trust her.  She is just a means to an end.  If I change rheumy's, I'll just get the same thing I got from my first Rheumy, and the same thing I get from this chick here.....go in, pay your money (that comes first!!), give them some blood, doctor comes, you do the grip-n-grin and exchange pleasantries, they'll ask how you are, and if you tell them "not so good" they will blow you off, and/or guffaw you or snicker, then they'll write your scrips and you go on your merry way.  Her opinions about my lungs and my health, no longer matter.  I've got doctors with years more experience than she, telling me the opposite of what she says.  I will go with them over her.  Because really now....what kind of doctor will compare one patient to the next to their face?  An inexperienced, unprofessional, self-inflated doctor, that's what kind.  She's a means to an end.  I need the Humera.  She might not give me a referral if I asked, but doctor G will.  Because I have an appointment with him this Thursday the 4th.  He's not off the hook either.  He's the one that's been saying "lets watch it.....lets see....eventually...."
And when I see him Thursday, I want him to refer me to a new pulmonologist for sure.  I want a whole new set of eyes on my lungs.  I wan't a second opinion.  I want a doctor at the University.

You know what really hurts?  I thought I had a good team.  Now I'm beginning to wonder how bad it would have gotten before either of them suggested we do something.

While in hospital getting fluids and antibiotics for the flu, I was also given Tamiflu.  Ladies and gentlmen, this stuff is a miracle!!  Flu that normally, for me, lasts at the very least a week, and another week of coughing and feeling bad.  Folks with the Tamiflu, by Sunday, I was feeling much much better!  Four days was it.  If you think you're getting the flu, call your doctor and get some Tamiflu.  I swear by it.

So surgeon scheduled me for surgery the next morning, Monday 11 December.  The procedure went well, and I was discharged and at home by 6 pm.  I had 4 home-health nurse visits to teach the Mr. how to operate the draining, and he is now a pro at it.  :)  He has been a real trooper.  I have to say, I am very proud of him.  Yeah, he gets on my nerves, but I'm sure I get on his too.  But he has really stepped up to the plate on this.  I don't know now what I'd do without him.  Generally, we don't exchange Christmas gifts, not since the kids came along.  And now we just buy for the grandkids.  But this year, I wanted to get him something to say "thanks" just for being there.  He (and I) LOVE LOVE LOVE that movie "The Kingsman" with Colin Firth, and Eggy :).   And now the second movie is out.  So i went out and bought him the double-movie set.  The first movie and the new sequel together.  It was a special set and only $19.99 at the Walmart.  He LOVED it.  He teared up.  Eggy is special and all that, but doesn't bring me to tears.  LOLOL.  You da man Eggy!!  Show 'em who's boss!  :)

Now for the one thing I almost don't want to talk about, and will probably leave most of it for the next post, but I was turned down for early retirement/disability.  Yeah.  And, in my opinion and in retrospect, the fact that my doctors down-played my condition in the paper work, I believe, is the biggest reason.  So, I'm told everybody gets turned down the first time.  I'll have to fight for it.  I may even have to hire an attorney.  And at the moment, I have been so consumed for the last year with this, that my brain just keeps saying "no more!"  I don't want to think about it, I don't want to worry about it.  It was one year ago today, that I sat down with my bosses and told them I was applying.  ONE YEAR ago.  So the information they have is, at best, aged.  But any way, the near-future plan is to see a new pulmonologist, get a fresh diagnosis and prognosis, and fight it.  I think I only have so much time to do that.  I'm not sure.  I got the letter 2 weeks ago, and to be honest, I didn't even really read it.  It felt like such a slap in the face after what I'd just gone through, after Doctor Do-Nothing basically declared me Fit-as-a-fiddle, their denial was just another invalidation.  My condition is invalidated by a doctor, and those who have the power to make me work another 6 years until I reach retirement age (if I live that long).  I'm tired of the fight....in so many ways, on so many levels.

The Mr. is draining me 3 times a week, and that goes pretty well.  The only problem I'm having at the moment, and its probably because I am still tapering the prednisone, is I've started to flare.  My hands, which you have heard me brag how the RA has never bothered my hands, are swollen and hurty.  Also, my right lung is really trying very hard to flare.  Yep, the lung that has a tube in it.  Why couldn't it be the other one???????  So Dr. G and I are going to have a talk about the prednisone, because he has always advocated that I take it.  So from this point on, I want HIM to monitor my prednisone and he can prescribe it for me.  I'll just tell Dr eye I don't need it anymore.  I'm serious about closing off her on-ramp to my information highway,  she won't get any info out of me.  She can call Dr. G and find out.  She'll have to.  She has proven she's not interested, so I'm no longer going to waste my time by trying to engage her.  Oh if only you could hear the string of foul language that goes through my head when I think of her.

But anyway - now I'm tired.  I've given you the gist of it.  I'll keep this thing posted as to how the retirement/disability is going.  And I will surely be updating after my appointment with Dr. G on Thursday.  I can't wait to see the look on his face when I show him my war wound.  :)

So until then - Ya'll be sweet!

Friday, December 22, 2017

Nasty Cough Turned Hospital Stay Turned Lung Issue

Oh my.  What a story I have to tell.  But not today.  I'm off for Christmas/New Year vacation, and recuperation.  Yes, recuperation.  I've been hospitalized again.


Short of it:  Nasty cough I had, by 10:00 pm that night, was full-blown flu.  Taken by ambulance the next morning to Emergency.  And once they took a chest x-ray, the flu was no longer front and center.  I now have a temporary pluerex tube sticking out of my chest and we are home-draining every other  day. 


That's the short version.  When I come back and have time, I will sit down and tell you everything.  ohmygod.  ohmygod.  What I have been through........again.  Hospital stay this time, 5 days.


Well, one thing's for sure, I think I now qualify as 'bad off" as some of Dr. Eye's other patients.  Then again, maybe not.  Either way, she's fired, as of this writing.


So ya'll, go have a good Christmas, and remember what its REALLY all about, and its not buying and going in debt. <><  Love on your family, and be sweet to strangers.


I'll check back in the first week in January, when I return.  Lots and lots to talk about.


Merry Christmas ya'll!!

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Taper One Week In - A Nasty Cough - Finally Some News

Taper one week in - I am now removing 2 slivers (2 maybe 3 mg's), and so far....so good.  That being said, my left lung is very tender (right lung, fuggitabout it...it just lays there like a fat lazy dog).  If it gets worse as I continue to taper, or this cought gets worse.  I'll go see Dr. G.   Dr. Eye can kiss my grits, besides, it takes 3 months to get in to see her, I'd probably be dead before I could get in...no wait.....I'm not as bad off as her other patients so I'm exaggerating my condition.  Anywho - Another sliver or 2 and I'll be at the 1/2 pill mark on my night dose.  go me!  I still don't think I'll be able to go passed 5mg a day, but hey!  5mgs a day!!!  That would be wonderful.  Any of the 1 or 4 people that actually stop by here, send me some good vibes, cross your fingers and toes, keep me in your prayers that this will actually work this time.


Yeah, nasty cough.  It started this morning when I got up.  There's a bug going around for several weeks now.  My bestie has been sick since Thanksgiving.  So far (miracles do happen) I've not cought anything.  But today....the throat is scratchy, and I'm coughing.  A lot.  A dry hacking cough.  Not fun.  Lets hope it stays with just this cough.


Finally some good news from the "powers that be" in Personnel Land about my Early Retirement/Disability.  Remember, this is not SSDI.  I am actually going to retire early because I have enough years in.  I'm too young for real retirement (I love saying that :)), so I had to apply for disability retirement, and that's what takes so long because it has to go before a board blah blah blah, but anyway.  I called up there Monday, because dangit, its been since APRIL for heavens sake.  Anyway, the nice lady I spoke with said my case had been assigned a case worker on 20 October, and was being reviewed.  "Just be patient a little longer, it looks like its not going to be much longer now"  AWRIGHT!  I really don't expect it to  happen before the holiday, but January maybe/hopefully, please please let it be January.  Again, as I've said before, once I'm retired I can give more information regarding where I work and who I work for and it will make sense as to why this has taken so long.  All will be revealed in good time.


My replacement has been in my old office now since the first week in October.  She's......different.  More on that too when I can actually talk about it.  So I'm still a buyer, but I'm out in the "shop" where all the action happens, no longer up in the turret in the executive offices with the suits and ties.  I'm out with the grease monkies, where the rubber meets the road.  And busier than a one-armed paper hanger.  But its all good.


I have a lung function test/appointment with the pulmonologist next week.  Send me some good vibes on that too.


So that's it for today.  ya'll be sweet and I'll keep you posted on the taper.
ta ta

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Prednisone Taper - Day 3

So far so good.  No fever, no problems.  Fingers crossed XX it keeps going this way.


I've been slicing a little sliver off my evening dose.  Prednisone tabs are very brittle, if you cut it the wrong way, it disintegrates into powder.  So I have to be careful.  For the first one, I just eye-balled it, visualizing 10 slices since its 10mgs.  No, I'm not taking Dr. Hyde's, ahem...I mean Dr. Eye's advice and going full-on with 1/2.  As it is, its "petering-out" on me around 5:00 in the morning.  If I took only 1/2, I'd be up at 2:00am.  If I wake up like that, I'll never go back to sleep and it will set the tone for the whole day.  I've been on prednisone full-time for 2 years.  I'm going to take it slow.  I'm going to cut one little sliver like this for at least 2 weeks.  Then I'll cut 2 little slivers and so on and so forth.  Yeah, it might take a few months, but that's ok.  I got no where else to go.  :)


You know, even though the appointment with her was a total train wreck, she was unprofessional, she judged me, she ignored me, and clearly she thought I was lying when I repeated to her what Dr. G said about the diminished air flow creeping up my should blade, because had she believed me, she'd have taken the trouble to listen, but she didn't.  And I'm convinced, that part about prednisone being as addictive as heroin, is either 1) she really doesn't know nor have any experience with a REAL addiction to a big drug (which I find hard to believe, she's a doctor, surely they studied that stuff, IDK), or 2) she knows exactly what real addiction is like but thinks I don't, and was trying to Bullsh*t me to make her point.  Even though all that is true, I really really do want to get off the prednisone if I can.  At the very least get back to "as needed".  But I've been given the impression not only by my GP but by what happens with the fevers and my lungs getting tender and swollen, that I'd never be able to get off it.  I really do want to stop taking it.  I'm tired of taking medicine that changes my personality and makes me look like the elephant man.  I wanted to ask her "you think I WANT to look like this??? You have no idea what it feels like to catch a little kid staring at you then pointing."  But anyway - I really thought I was over it, but I guess not.


When she said those things to me, I was transported back in time, I was 6 years old again, crying for mamma not to leave me with a sitter (anybody she could find willing to watch me), her telling me "I'm going to the store, I'll be back in 10 minutes"  and I didn't see her for 3 days.  I sat at the front window for THREE DAYS watching every car that drove past.  It happened quite a few times (she'd go off and party and shack-up with whatever man she had chosen for the moment).  I was never validated as a child.  My wants and needs were never considered.  It happens when your parent is a Borderline.  My mother didn't raise me, she didn't raise any of her 3 children.  I raised her.  by the time I was 11 years old, I got myself up for school, got dressed, made my own breakfast, and got myself to the school bus stop.  After 6th grade, she never saw another report card for me.  I just signed them myself and turned them in.  I always had good grades (shocker considering the hell hole I lived in), so I had nothing to hide.  Mamma, though she had a good heart, was very much about "her".  Her mental disorder is the reason I went to 13 different schools to get through 12 grades.  We'd move to a new place and soon as the "new" wore off (usually about 6 months to a year), she'd move us to a new place.  Never ever considered my schooling, what it did to me.  But anyway, when Dr. Eye said those things to me, it was like reliving that feeling, all over again.


I was very angry for a long time.  Lots of therapy, prayer, God, and just shear determination got me through, and healed me....to a point.  I love my mamma, God rest her soul.  She loved as best as she could, with what she had to work with, a shaky mental life.  But anyway.  Mamma is a post for another day (it would take many).  She wasn't all bad, and I have some wonderful memories of her.  I don't like to think too much on the bad ones.  It tares the scab off the wound, you know?


So anyway - I've started the taper.  I feeling positive about it.  That being said, it changes NOTHING between me and Dr. Eye.  Her behavior was deplorable and uncalled for.  And personally, I think she owes me an apology, but I don't need one.  I'm a big girl, and clearly I'm the bigger person between us because I would never dream of saying something like that if I were a doctor....but that's just me.


Lets see how it goes........



Monday, November 27, 2017

Anybody Else Sick Of These "Cutesie" Self-Esteem Boosters?





I think Patientslikeme have been communicating with my rheumy.....

Some of these little "esteem boosters" are just ridiculous.  Read this one good.  This is the same thing as that dumb "pain acceptance" bs going around, which is just a nice way of saying "suck it up".  LOL  this one says "accept your pain...and it will hurt less"  what a load of shit.  That's all I'm saying.  And ya'll know, I don't usually use fowl language, but this begs for it. 

One article I read said that this "....pain acceptance is gaining momentum..."  yeah, from people who don't have chronic pain disease.  Bull Shit.  Just because its on the internet doesn't mean they won't lie, skew numbers and statistics, and try to bullshit you.  There's a mission here.


I know there are those worse off than me, I have a rheumy that doesn't miss an opportunity to remind me of that.  But I don't need to be reminded of that, to appreciate life.  Believe me, you get a diagnosis like this, you WILL appreciate life.