Tuesday, December 27, 2016

My Last Christmas Dinner

Yes, you heard me right.  I've cooked my last Christmas dinner.  It was delicious!  My cornbread dressing was mouthwatering, the ham was perfection, the home made mac and cheese was dreamy.  And I hope they enjoyed it.  It just took too much from me, and two days to recover, and I'm turning over the responsibility to my new DIL, I'll just consult.  I was exhausted.  Not to mention....

We had grand-girlie starting Thursday, planning to stay through our dinner Saturday.  Friday night just before bed, she began throwing up.  Great.  I had immediate visions of re-sicking with that stupid crud I just survived.  She was sitting on the toilet and hurling in the garbage can, and propelled that mess all the way over and across my feet.  And I'm thinking...."do I have any cuts on my feet????"  Its heck when you have no immune system, I can't even fight a head cold at this point.  but anyway -

She held out, and so did I, until about 10:00 Saturday morning, and I finally got her up and took her home.  Thankfully, I had felt good enough (even though I was POOOOOPED by the end of the day) to start the cooking Friday, and most things just had to be "assembled" and shoved in the oven to cook.

It wasn't a great day.  The Mr. was in a "mood".  The dog pooped on the floor while I was gone taking B-girl home, and that's all it really takes for him, especially in the morning, and since he has so little control over his emotions, as usual, it was an all-day-funk.  Although he did "keep it together" while company was over to eat, you could tell because he had nothing good to say about anything, and kept getting up and pacing like usual when he's like that.  Made H nervous.  but then she's new to the family, she's doesn't understand how he operates.  She doesn't understand that when he gets like that, its best to completely ignore it, act like its not happening.  because if you "notice" it or say something, omg, all that does is wind-him-up.  Living with a Boarderline can be a very precarious situation at times.  And now that I'm on prednisone full time since this last year, that has now become the "catch-all" for everything that goes wrong, or any attitudes that get flung.  'course that doesn't explain the first 28 years of being together, but hey!  Who's counting that?  Its all good.

It wasn't a great day #2 - I think H called son-#1, because 10 nano-seconds after everybody left, I txt him to say Merry Christmas, and he immediately calls me (huge sigh....its RARELY good when he calls, long story another day).  I sighed heavily and answered hesitantly.  He immediately wanted to talk about "the shit that went down there today with dad".  Huh?  "yeah, I heard he upset H".  "hmmm...that's news to me".  I could see she was nervous, but to say that "shit went down" is WAY over stating the "incident" (if you even can call it that.  its just dad being dad. I guess I'm so used to it, it doesn't bother me anymore like it used to.).  Now, considering all the crap that has went down between our oldest and us (did you know mental illness CAN be hereditary??), the first thing I wanted to tell him was "if something did, what business is it of yours?"  but I didn't.  Once he realized he wasn't going to get anywhere with me on that score, he launched into his usual diatribe about how unfair we treat him, how bad he's had it, and there are usually some words placed in my mouth that I never said (generally his twisted version of something I said and by the time his brain computes it, its completely totally NOT even close to what I said.  Can you say "boarderline"?).  I let him yammer on with out a word for about 3 minutes.  Then I tried to talk.  Which never works with son #1.  He's never interested in listening, he's only interested in talking which means when its my turn, he is constantly interrupting, interjecting, being rude, and we usually end up talking at the same time, like we're on the Bill Oreily show or something, and that's usually when the yelling starts.  But yelling doesn't really work for me any more.  being upset, doesn't work for me any more.  I finally told him, "look, my heart rate is up so far, I'm dizzy.  Why are we talking about this AGAIN?"  he said "I know...but..."  see that's the problem.  My health issues don't even compute with him.  If I had stroked out and died right there on the phone with him, he would have been pissed off that he didn't get to say all he wanted.  Anyway, we finally ended off by him saying "well, I guess I have nothing left to say" and I answered "I truly love you" and I hung up.  I love you son.    But you can't disrespect me, and yet demand respect.  And even the laws of nature say its not even possible that your dad and I are guilty of being the cause of ALL that went wrong in your life.  Stop lightly passing off your own mistakes and take personal responsibility for yourself and actions.

But anyway, yes, I've prepared my last Christmas dinner this year.  We still have a fridge full of "Christmas food", you know how that is.  by Thursday we'll be sick of it and be longing for a burger and fries.  :)  

haven't picked up a hook or needles much at all.  And I have this one HUGE project that I'm working on.  Months ago I said my days of taking orders to make things for other people, were over.  Dead lines and I do not work well anymore.  If I see a pattern and think "oh that would be so cute on so-in-so!"  then I'll make it and give it.  No pressure.  And if I don't finish it, then nobody gets hurt.  But no more "will you make me a _______)"  no, I won't.  And to her credit, this person did not ask me to make this afghan for her.  I made one for the Mr. and it is STUNNING!  and she admired and admired and gushed over it and the words "do you want me to make you one?" came out of my mouth before I could stop them.  She teared up and said, "would you???"  well, it was too late then.  So I'm about 1/10 into an afghan that is over 6ft across at the widest point.  but she's a good friend, and worth it.  Now if I can just stay well, and some how re-start my craft-mojo, I can get this done, and start making things on my list that I WANT to make.  I have this goal....to use up all my yarn stash before I croak.  You should see my yarn stash.  smh......not as much as some I've seen....but well, we'll see if I can do it.  Stay tuned for a future Etsy shop.

And that's about all the Christmas drama I can think to talk about.  Christmas hasn't been "magical" since I was a kid.  My brother and I both lamented Christmas Eve about how we missed the "magic" and the waiting that was so hard, waiting for Christmas morning.  *sigh*

Ya'll be sweet and happy new year!

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