I found this on Pinterest a while ago, and it is so very true.
The unknown is very scary. But you know what is blood-chilling scary for me? Spring pollen flare. Each successive lung flare has been just a teensy bit worse than the previous, and I never regain the ground I lost. The Fall (Autumn) flare back in October cracked to ribs. What's the next one going to do? And in the Fall, both lungs swelled for a couple days. Friends, I'm scared. Its like this cloud of doom off in the distance getting ever closer. Since the RA-Lung diagnosis, its all about the lungs now. Yeah, my shoulder will get a little stiff now and then, the feet and knees ache at the end of the day, the fatigue is mind-numbing. But for the most part, its all about the lungs. I'm trying very hard not to be afraid. But its not easy
I find myself looking at the calendar and counting the weeks. I live in a warm part of the country known as the "pine belt", the pine tree's are everywhere, and their pollen turns everything yellow-green. Spring pollen starts at the end of February and can last until early May. My lung flares have been averaging 6 to 8 weeks long. 6 to 8 weeks of triple the prednisone and pain killer. I don't want to dwell on it, but I can't help it. Its like my whole being is holding its breath, standing on the edge of something I can't see the bottom of. What if this is "the one"? What if both lungs swell to the point I can't breath and have to go on a vent? I am afraid. And I don't want to be afraid. I want to stand and fight, but I'm so weary of the fight. I'm tired of fighting.