Wednesday, March 8, 2017

So Far So Good

But I'm not counting my chicks yet.  The pollen has been blowing now for about a week.  I'm feeling the normal-people affects like sneezing, tickle in the throat.  I also have itchy watery eyes...but I also have RA in my eyes so....who's to say.  The good news is that even though they are a teensy bit tender, there is no swelling in my lungs.  There's a lot of rattling.  But no swelling.  Yet.  Pray.  Could I actually get through this pollen season without a lung flare??  Could it happen??  The last one, you remember, cracked two ribs.  Oh this RA!!!  One of the most frustrating things about it, is its unpredictability.   Its the "Forest Gump" of a box of chocolates, you just never know what you're going to get.  You just know whatever it is, its going to hurt.  Probably a lot.  And it may or may not include a trip to the ER.

Something funny, well it is to me, kind of.  I have a chronic plural effusion on my right lung.  The bad one.  The one that collapsed on me a year ago from infection and I ended up having two thoracentesis to have it drained.  After the second drain, and we got things under control, a small amount of fluid came back.  Not enough to warrant the expense of another drain, so says the doctor.  But when I cough, my right lung "twitters".  I understand no one may "get it" when I say that.  I told dr. g about it, and he said probably what is happening is when I cough, the bit of fluid gets pushed up my lung, then after the cough, it trickles back down, and the trickle is what I'm feeling as a "twitter".  It kinda tickles...what can I say?  So the rattle and the twitter is just part of who I am now.  It just is what it is.

I'm going to be honest.  I feel like I got run over yesterday, I feel like crap.  But I'm ok.  I got stopped in the hall at work today by my personnel rep, and he informed me that my early retirement/disability package was at the next stop from them.  Its being reviewed by the first office!! Yipeeeeee!!!  I'm ready ya'll.  Every morning now when I get up, I'm thinking "oh man...I can't do this much longer!"  It really didn't start to bother me, until I could no longer sleep in a bed.  The Mr. still sleeps in our king size bed, just he and the dog.  When I pass by the bedroom, I longingly look at that bed, my side, so empty.  But!  I have a brand new recliner that I bought just for me, and I fixed up my craft/yarn room and now sleep right next to my yarn stash.  What more could a crafter want??  I'm so lucky and blessed!  I'm so blessed that I'm one of the few that the RA has never bothered my hands.  Ever.  I can still knit, I can still crochet, I can still pet the yarn.  For that, I am grateful because without my hooks and needles, I honestly don't know what I'd do.  Taking a hook, and a long piece of string, and turning it into a warm blanket, or a lovely sweater, or some socks.....heaven on earth.  It keeps me sane.

Just breath.

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