Thursday, June 22, 2017

This Isn't Funny Anymore - or - I've Lost My Mojo - UPDATED

Kind of depressed today.  I guess getting up 5 times in the night to go pee, means I've not slept well.  Woke to a bout of nausea, that blessfully didn't last long.


I don't really have morning stiffness anymore, not much.  You've heard me say that once the organs became involved, its almost like its in a mini-remission everywhere else.  One thing, no two actually, but one thing that lingers is the morning "blah".  That first hour or two when I wake up and think, "I can't do this today.  How will I get through the whole day?  shut up and get up and get in the shower, move it!"  The other is fatigue.  Mind-numbing fatigue.  You know what I speak of.  Generally, after a couple hours, and I've had a hot shower (which wipes me out, and it takes forever to get dressed afterwards), I begin to feel more myself.  Ok, yeah, I can do this.  Again.  For a few hours.  But no promises!


I'm at my peak between the hours of 10:00am and 3:00pm.  Before and after that, I'm pretty useless. 
I don't speak of it very much, because this blog is about my journey with this disease.  But most everybody knows I crochet and I knit.  I learned to crochet as a kid when I was about 11 years old, in 1978.  I didn't learn to knit until about 5 years ago I guess now, and I taught myself from youtube video's.  Down through the years I've hooked many many afghans.  Now, with all these new lovely hand dyed yarns that, back in the 70's, where not available to us, I've even ventured out and made some clothing.  Seriously, ya'll remember all those hideous acrylic crochet flower-power vest in the 60's and 70's?  YUK!  But its true to say, even acrylic has come a very long way, and the quality and large range of dyers we have to choose from, has made it such a pleasure.  I love that I can do this. 


Because now, it has kept me sane, in a world that sometimes seems against me.  And I have to confess, I've lost my craft mojo.  I barely pick up a hook, or needles these days.  You may remember I mentioned that back in the winter, I spent some of my bonus on a new recliner to sleep in.  I moved into my yarn room, so every night I sleep surrounded by yarn, and crochet/knitting notions.  I have a massive pattern book collection (several hundred I'd guess), some are several years worth in subscriptions, some I've bought as stand alones, and I even have a copy of each of Doris Chan's books that are now out of print.  And as I was getting dressed this morning, I looked all around me and thought "there is NO way I will work my way through all this yarn before I go." 


See, the plan has been to just start making blankets.  Grab a random ball, make it a giganto granny square, or some other easy pattern, when that ball runs out, grab another, and just keep making them till I run out.  I have a stash of "the good stuff", and I've got a couple of beautiful shawls on the hook and needles to use that.  I don't use "good stuff" for afghans that are going to get some serious use.  Ok, point being, I think its time to face reality, and begin a search to see if maybe I can donate some of it.  My pattern stash alone, all total, I'd say has probably cost me in the area of several thousand dollars.  I had thought I might open an Etsy shop when I'm retired and sell them.  But I'm beginning to think that's probably not going to happen.  That makes me sad.  I just don't think I'll have the where-with-all to run it, all those trips to the post office.  I dunno.  I have several that are no longer in print.  One of Doris Chan's, the hard cover edition has been listed on amazon for over a thousand dollars!!!  and I have that one!  Its not hard cover, but still.  out of print is out of print.


I have to make a new plan, I guess.  One more thing.  But I sit in there at night and think "I really need to work on this, or I really need to finish that..."  And I don't.  I'm so tired by the time I get home, that all I really want to do is drink a fruit smoothie, do our daily bible study, then loose myself in Netflix or on youtube (I've been binge watching The Tudors.....again:) , I've lost my craft mojo.


Maybe a trip to the LYS (the local yarn store) and just get a little something like a new needle I don't have.  Maybe that will re-start my engine.  I wish they would hurry up and process me.  I'm ready to be at home permanently. 


Well anyway - I'm having dinner tonight with two friend-girls, if the weather permits.  We have a tropical storm "Cindy" blowing through the area today and tomorrow.  We're meeting at The Gumbo Pot.  I don't like gumbo, but I hear their fried shrimp po-boy's are to-die for.  So that's what I'll be having.  I don't like Cajun food much at all.  But I do love a good shrimp creole over rice, New Orleans style.  I like shrimp any way you make it (some people call them prawns I think).  Now I'm  hungry.


Have an appointment with the throat doctor this afternoon, getting my tube looked at, see if we can figure out why swallowing is so difficult sometimes, even liquids get stuck now and then.  Yes, I've done some Googling and I've researched a couple things, but I no longer try to guess this thing, because the last couple times it has surprised me.  So we'll see.


Be sweet.


Later that morning.....
Dr. G's nurse just called to check on me.  I **heart** you Dr. G!!  You are the kindest, most caring doctor I've ever had, even though I still think you've hid some things from me.  But I forgive!  And I wouldn't go anywhere else!
Even later that same day:
My replacement has been selected!!!!!!    Yipeeeeee!!!  One more step in the process.  Now, the next thing is to get a fire lit under the home office on my paperwork. 

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