Monday, July 31, 2017

A good visit with the GP - And the new grandbaby is.............

Had a good visit with Dr. G on Friday. We talked mostly about my esophagus and this huge belly I have, which btw, my Rheumy thinks is mostly fluid, I think Dr. G. agrees, and would explain why my feet and calves look like sausages by the time I get home from work....which btw (again), I hope won't be for much longer. We talked about my lungs and progression, about how the PE is gone, but I don't breath any better, once ground is lost, its lost. He confirmed that the chroni...c plurual effusion on my right lung is bigger, after the upper (and now lower too!!) GI he is scheduling me fore, once I get over that, he wants me back at the Pulmonologist for lung function (ugh!! I dread the thought) test and his opinion on whether surgery might be something to look at in removing the lung fluid that has now, obviously, turned to jelly because its so old. Here's my delima.
I have to ask myself a couple of questions. 1) If I have this surgery, do they go down the throat, or open me up? I'm thinking "throat". 2) Will this "lung hoovering (borrowing a Brit term here)" reverse the damage, 3) Will it add time to my life, and 4) Will it stop the Fibrosis progression.
1) Probably throat - I'll research
2) No
3) No
4) No

So! I'm thinking.......NO on surgery. I haven't gotten to that bridge yet, but it won't be long. By next month sometime, I'll be at the pulmonologist, and I'll have to make this decision. Why put my self through the expense, the danger, the recovery, when the only thing it is going to get me, is I might breath a little better, for a little while. It won't buy me time, nor reverse the damage already done? I have no immune system, I'm already compromised. What if something happens while I'm under? I just don't know if its worth it. Would love some opinions.

Am I crazy thinking, or does my line of thinking make sense? 

Over all, a very good visit with Dr. G.  I love Dr. G.  Oh!  And I told him about the Doctor at the walk-in and him freaking out and wanting me to have a CT.  Dr. G just grinned real big and said "when plural fluid ages, as old as yours two years now almost, it will show up on an xray as white, and to the untrained or new doctor, if they are not familiar with this, it does indeed look like a large thick mass, and it will concern if you don't know what you're looking at."  See.  Its all good.  Dr. G, he's got me.  I trust him implicitely.  *He* is the reason the Mr. and I don't relocate once my disability retirement goes through (looking at the phone.....waiting for the phone call.....).  With all the trouble chronic-pain patients are now having getting the meds, and I, *most fortunately* have a doctor who not only understands, but empathizes.  I have no trouble, knock on wood, so far, getting what I need.  Look what's happened in Arkansas.  If I am understanding correctly, the state of Arkansas has mandated that all patients on regular pain meds, their doctors are now required to lower their dosage, and take them completely away from some.  I have to agree with what I read in an article from Chronic Mom (click on my blog side-bar over there on the right to go to her site, the article is there).  How many people who suffer from chronic daily pain will off them selves (trying to let this get through the filter, so not using the "S" word, but you know what I mean) before the witch hunt on pain meds stops?  Oh and news flash - Not every body who takes pain meds are junkies, Mr. Surgeon General (the buffoon who is helping drive this bus).  I've heard a couple of RA'ers say they will end their lives if they can no longer have the pain meds.  I understand.  Norco (Hydrocodone) is the ONLY reason I've been able to continue to work these last two years since it got really bad with the lung issues.  Do they even stop to think about that fact?  The fact that if you take them away, people who suffer with pain but yet are still in the workforce, paying taxes, do they even think about  how many will be forced into disability, and living off the taxpayer?  When just allowing them to have the meds they need to work and function, would allow them to continue to be productive citizens of society.  Its an exasperating situation.  Its a situation that doesn't have to be.  we're going to lose a lot of good people slowly.  And if I was a nutso-conspiracy theorist, I'd say the Gov't and the "powers that be" don't give a damn anyway.  They've been yelling about the world being over populated as it is.  They sure don't *act* like they give a damn, and EVERYBODY who takes pain killers is a junkie.  but anyway.....

In other news -

The Mr. and I went to son #2 and DIL's "gender reveal party" yesterday.  No, this is not some LBGT blowout.  Remember, my DIL is gonna have a baby!  :) :)   So, when the reveal-sonogram was done, the doctor wrote it down and sealed it in an envelope and my DIL gave it to her best friend.   I never realized my kids had so many friends!!  I'll bet there was over 100 people there.  It was good food, and I got to hug my kid whom I haven't seen in a month (he works 16-17 hours at least 4 days of the week, then its 12 the other days.  He works so hard).  And my grandbaby that is due in January is going to be................

Its a BOY!!!
Aaron Asher

Way to go buddy!!  I wish you and the love of your life, all the happiness in the world.  And I hope and pray your lives together are as long as your dad and I (32 years together, married 30 this November).  We love you both very much.  One day, you'll read this when I'm gone.  Love this little one extra for me.  :)  Love, Mom

well that's all for now.  So ya'll be sweet and tata till next time!

Thursday, July 27, 2017

RA Lung - Deadly

If you take Methotrexate then please be proactive and get a chest xray at least once a year.  RA-ILD is NOT rare, its just very underreported.  Heart and lung issues are #1 and #2 killer of people with RA.  Please insist on an xray, what can it hurt?

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Do you ever look forward in anticipation of a Dr. appointment?

I do.  Sometimes.

Ever since Dr. G said the words "it may be your esophagus..." it makes more and more sense.  Could this be why some days (like today) I wake up nauseous?  Rarely to the point of actually vomiting, but it happens sometimes.  But 4 days out of 7, I wake up sick at my tummy.  This has been going on for months.  And months.  My tummy had issues before the Great-3-Week-Crud-of-2016 in December, but ever since then, its worse.  Not only that.....

But for the last 3 years or so, at least, sometimes if I'm not careful and don't chew my food to the consistency of baby food, when I swallow it feels like I'm swallowing razor blades.  Its put me on my knees before, doubled over in tears until it subsides in a minute or two.  And the pain is right at the top of my tummy where the food drops into it from the esophagus. 

I've noticed in the last month or so, if I'm not careful just swallowing my own spit, I will choke on it.  Choke on my own spit.  Sometimes liquids feel like planks going down.

The IBS.  With D.  And N, and as I said occationally a V. 

Ready to get this upper GI done and lets see what the hell is going on un my tummy and throat and hopefully.....fix it.  If possible.

I haven't lost my appetite.  I still get hungry and thirsty.  I just have to be selective sometimes what I choose and when.  I've not run any fever in a couple of months now.  That's good.  That's a good sign.  I just want some relief from this monster that sits out in front of me!!!!

And I fell again.  No real damage this time, thank God.  I think I got a little carpet burn on my elbow and my left leg, but that's about it.  But still.  Two falls in less than 3 weeks.  Is this a new trend?  My gravity is off center with this ginormous belly sticking out in front of me, that Dr Eye is sure is fluid.

Anyway- Not a real feel good day.  I'm hoping it improves as the day goes on, it does sometimes.

Ta ta for now.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

RA - Lung Take Two

Ok where was I....oh yeah.  I was going to talk about what the doctor said at the walk-in when I went for an xray, but looking back, I see I already told you about that.  What I didn't say was that Young-Doctor asked if I would give him permission to review my test results from the week before when I was in hospital.  I said sure why not.  Another set of eyes never hurts.  This was on Monday, week ago yesterday.  So on Wednesday, two days later, I get this phone call from them saying they had set me  up for a CT the next day.  "What for?"  She, the nurse, said that the doctor wanted one done so he could compare.  I told her, seeing how I just had an HRCT 8 days previous, unless I have some sort of flesh-eating disease, I highly doubt there are going to be many changes for him to see.  My doctors are on top of this.  All I wanted was an xray, and that's what I got, thanks.  I don't see the need to go through the expense, I doubt my insurance would pay for another one that quick.  Especially when the last one was an "HRCT" not just a measly old "CT".  No.  I called the hospital and canceled.  They were kind of put out.  Sorry, about that.  I'm not putting myself through the expense nor the procedure just so some doctor who is not on my care-team to have a looky loo at something he's never seen before, probably.

Anywho-  so umm yeah, I'm coming  up on two years now since ILD diagnosis.  I remember that day...."2 1/2 to 4 years depending....."  In my own, medically-uneducated-opinion, gauging it by comparison of how I feel today, to how I felt just a year ago, I think I got another year in me.  Maybe.  We all know this could change on a dime, in a moment.  I know I can feel great right now, and 10 minutes from now, feel like I got run over.  There's no rhyme or reason to this, and it is so unpredictable, what's the point in trying.  That all being said, if I can stabilize now that the clots are gone, and just stay where I am right now, I can make it a while.  I still have hope.  Its when I sneeze, or cough, or take a deep breath, that I'm reminded that my lungs are turning to stone.  When I eat, even the smallest meal, I'm reminded.   Eating is not the pleasant experience it used to be.  My belly is so big, it is pushing up into my lungs, even when its empty.  When I saw Dr. Eye, my rheumy, last week, that's the first thing she noticed....

Dr. E - Wow! (pointing at my belly)

Me - I know!!!  I feel like an alien!  (And she begins gently pushing on it)  I really think I have a hernia sometimes.

Dr E - No I don't think so (now she's examining my legs), this is fluid.  There's some fat too, but mostly this is fluid.

Me - Its bigger at night by the time I go to bed.  I bloat during the day.  When I get up in the morning, my belly is almost normal, almost.  And my legs, are 1/2 the size they are by now, when I get up.

Dr. E - mmmm....yep.  This is fluid.  And its all due to the prednisone.

Fluid meds, out of the question.  I already battle leg, hand, and foot cramps at night due to the prednisone, and that's WITH potassium supplements.  Diuretics are known for depleting potassium and cause leg cramps.  I'd never be able to sleep.

I look deformed with this huge belly, little bird legs, normal arms, and a prednisone moon-face.  I've often wondered how many times people look at me and wonder "she's a little old to be having a baby!"  ah is what it is.  I used to be cute, I have pictures and witnesses to prove it.

But as for the lungs, I lost a ton of ground with the PE.  I'd love to go back to where I was before that, but I know that will never be.  Sometimes it crosses my mind before I go to sleep at night, maybe tonight is the night.  Maybe I won't wake up this time.  Well, I'm ready when He's ready.  He and I are ok, we're tight.  I've got a couple of pets on the rainbow bridge waiting for me to cross, and I've got my loving grandmother and my mom waiting for me.  Its going to be ok, even if its not ok.
And there are the RA eyes.  They run like a poodle.

In other news

Did I tell you the Mr. was cutting the grass, the mower threw a rock and busted out my back window in my car?  That happened two weeks ago, the day I got out of the hospital.  Anyway - got it to the glass replacement place today, took a little bit to scrape up the money ($220).  I only have liability coverage since the car is paid for, so its all on me.  So I got it to the shop today, I've been driving the truck ( I call it the tractor), and on the way back to work (The Mr. drove it to the shop and I picked him up), I get a call from them saying that the window had arrived.  However, bad news, the box has the right part number on it, but the wrong glass in the box.  There was some mix up at the warehouse, or distributor or where ever they order them from.  So its going to be tomorrow before she's ready.  sigh.  well, anyway.  it is what it is.  I'm just glad to be getting it back.  Seems like every 9 months or so, something happens and I'm bumming rides. 

Well, lunch break is over.  Time to get back to work.  Ya'll be sweet.


PS...I just stumbled on another really good "Chronic Blog" .   Ya'll hop on over there and give her a look.  Chronic Mom

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

RA-Lung Disease.....How I got here - Take One - UPDATED

Updated - I came back because I thought it important to mention the fact that when my ILD was diagnosed, my rheumy immediately took me off the methotrexate.   " scars the lungs over the long haul...".  The RA does a number on them in and of itself, and the mtx just makes it worse.  Damned if we do....damned if we don't.  Did mtx cause my RA-Lung?  Combined with what the RA does to them, yes.  Yes, the mtx helped my symptoms, I noticed a difference in my pain level when I stopped it.  But had I been told that mtx scars the lungs, I'd have never taken it.  If you are reading this and you are on methotrexate, please insist on a chest xray every year.  Even if your doctor says its not necessary.  Believe me, it IS necessary if you have RA and you take mtx. 

Back to our regularly scheduled program:

I was reading through an RA page on Facebook and came across a question someone asked about chest pain, and shortness of breath with RA.  I was kind of taken by how blase' (at least it seemed that way to me) folks were about it, people with RA.  Which, to me, is kind of scary.  But you know...I was there one time.  I had no idea about the possible organ involvement.  And when I did find out, I was pretty "blase'" too.  I'm embarrassed to admit, I was also in that dream-world of "it happens to other people".  Then it happened to me. 

And I don't think I've ever dedicated a post to that time.  That horrible, scary, sick, time.  I was so sick, so close to death and didn't even know it.  I thought it was costochondritis, and just let the pain (and fever.....duh) go.  This was in early July 2015.  I kept thinking "eh, I have a rheumy appointment August 10, it can wait.  Just one more thing I gotta learn to live with".  HA!!  little did I know.  I was so stupid.  And my stupidity almost killed me. 

Dr. G and I put our heads together and we came to the conclusion that late one night in June, I aspirated stomach acid.  It was bad enough that I almost passed out from coughing and not getting any air, every time I coughed, it burned like fire coming up, and by the time I got to a place I could breath, I was out of the bed and lying on the floor.  I thought I got it all up.  I didn't, and didn't think anything more about it.  Dr. G said that's what caused the infection.  Dr. Eye, my rheumy says the RA lung was probably already simmering ( I agree, I'd been having tiny little chest pains for about a year) in the back ground and the infection boiled it over, so to speak.  And of course, once the ILD was boiling, there's no turning it off.  Its a done deal.

Anyway- The pain started and the fevers, then it got to the point it was very painful to even turn my upper torso.  And yet I kept saying "eh, I have a rheumy appointment in a few weeks, its all good".   So technically, the stomach acid I didn't get up, was boiling away at my right lung.  By the time I got to the rheumy on 10 August, two months had passed since the late-night-aspiration.  She took an xray and I went back to work.  4 hours later, her nurse called me, frantic.  Telling me they had already called Dr G's office and sent him a copy of the xray, and I had "walking pneumonia".  I started to shake.  Oh shit.  What the hell have I done to myself.  I hung up and called Dr. G's office.  This was a Friday, and he was out.  They did get the  xray and the report, and the doctor on call had sent me an antibiotic scrip to my pharmacy.  I needed to start them immediately, and come in Monday to see Dr G.  Friends, the look on his face when he walked in the exam room scared the living daylights out of me.  He gave me the full-load on what was happening, the collapsed lung, the huge infection, the huge plural effusion that would need draining (WHAT?), I just started to cry.  And then I remember that night I almost choked on stomach acid.  He just shook his head and said "yep, that will do it."

Many many xrays, weeks of antibiotics, I was in Dr. G's office at least once a week and sometimes more, for two months, a second plural effusion and a visit to a pulmonologist, Dr. H. At this point, we were now in November 2015, still on antibiotics.   He looked at my records and the labs that were done on the fluid drained from my lung and said, "yes, this is RA Lung.  I know you are still on antibiotics, but you need to get back on the Humira, and I think that will stop the effusions"  he was right.  It did refill just a bit, and Its still there today, but not enough to warrant the expense and trouble of another thoracentesis.  He also said, very matter of factly, that RA Lung is considered terminal, with average life span about 2 1/2 to 4 years, depending on how quickly I progress.  I was numb.  I went back to work and began to Google.....and cry.  Everything changed, in that moment of time.  Suddenly, I was that "other person" that these things happen to.  My priorities changed in a nano second.  I can't remember which doctor said it, but I was told another week to 10 days, and the infection would have killed me.  I almost died.

Today, I still have the chronic effusion, and Dr G said the HRCT I had a week ago is showing that its a little bigger.  So when I see him next week to talk about and Upper GI, we're going to talk about another thoracentesis.  I just shake my head at the thought of that. Yes, I've been through worse.  But having what is basically syphoning fluid from my lung (like stealing gas from a car), and going through my back, with nothing but a local deadening of the skin....its not the worst thing, but its not pleasant.  *huge sigh*  I don't want to do it again.  Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it.  But if it has to be done, it has to be done.  But I don't have to like it.

Also, in healthy people, the lungs generally lay across the diaphragm.  My right lung does not.  It curls backwards in on itself.  Dr G says that permanent damage and scar tissue.  My right lung is FUBAR.

I'm tired now, so I'll end for today.  But we'll pick this up tomorrow because I want to talk about this crap at the walk-in-clinic from Monday.  It all fits together, don't worry.  I'm not going to pull you down a rabbit hole.  :)

Till then, ya'll be sweet

Monday, July 17, 2017

Crying just makes it worse

So Saturday was my birthday.  Technically, in some places on the globe, Saturday is the last day of the week.  Well, it was the last day of the week from Hell.  It just got worse after I got home from the hospital.

Everything was all cool till Wednesday I went to get in my car, and realized that when the Mr. cut the grass, evidently it threw a rock at my car, and shattered the back window.  $400 or there abouts.  Perfect, I'm buming rides again, or driving the tractor (the Mr.'s truck).  *sigh*  Then Saturday came.

My friend-girls took me out for Chinese Friday night, wonderful!  And they loaded me up with yarn store gift cards (they know what I like).  Then Saturday.......(It was my birthday)

I had to go to my friend Pam's house so she could give me my Humira injection because dummy-me forgot it Friday so the work-nurse could give it to me, and of course I forgot to take it with me to the Chinese place so Pam could do it there.  So I had to go to her house.  As I was leaving, I fell.  On her concrete drive way.  I fell hard.  Nobody was around, her curtains were drawn, nobody saw me.  And I just lay there for a minute to catch my breath.  My right knee felt like it was on fire, and my left lung took a punch too.  So much so, that by today, I figured I was wrong about the lung, and maybe I'd actually cracked another rib.  So I zipped (read:  bummed a ride) across the street to the walk in clinic.  No cracked/fractured/broken ribs.  Dr. there said they were really bruised, and I figure I was probably right in the first.  When I landed on my left side, it "accordianed" my lung (I felt it, it hurt), and now my lung is angry and flared up.  Hurts to breath.  hurts to cough, hurts to cry, hurts to talk.  Damn the only thing that doesn't hurt is to pee.  Sorry, I'm just really down today.

So walk-in-clinic-doctor is more concerned with what he says is a "mass" on my right lung, and "when was the last time  you had a CT?"  I started to laugh, and told him about the HRCT, the Echo, the EKG, the Arterial blood draw, the stress test, just to start, that I had just a week ago.  He was staggard.  Dr. G didn't say anything about a "mass".  He *did* say that the chronic plural effusion I've had for two years looks like its bigger and we may have to address another thoracentesis (Oh God please no, not again!), but Dr. G is at a conference in a land far far away this week, and I can't get to him until next Friday.  SO!  I'm not going to worry.  If Dr. G, and my cardiologist saw it, and were not concerned enough to "get right on this NOW", then I'm ok.  I really think its probably the effusion this young turk doctor is looking at.  And he IS young.  But anyway.  So, yeah, I fell and skint my knee up, and threw my left lung into a mega flare.  Its not over yet.........

Saturday evening - I get a snarky txt from son #1.  Another of his typical accusatory txt, accusing us of something we didn't do.  Let me put it short and sweet.  Dept. of Human Svc. Child Support Division, has finally caught up with him.   They sent the letter to my house.  Mr. called son #2 because we know they talk now and then, trying to get a mailing address for him to forward it, this was Tuesday last week the day after I got home from the hospital.  So Saturday, I get this txt saying that "I'd really appreciate it if you would stop opening my mail and discussing my private business with other people....blah blah blah".  I'd had enough.  usually I would not respond, but this time I did.

I told him, first of all, the damn letter is sitting right here, unopened, we never opened it, wouldn't do that.  Second, we didn't discuss his personal business with anybody other than his brother, and that was to attempt to get an address.  I  have enough of my own business to deal with, don't have time to be all up in your drama, been dealing with your drama since you were 12.  We don't even know where you live.  and further more "since you kicked us to the curb, remember, you don't "associate" with us, do me a big favor, don't ever text me again unless its to say "hi".  I  have nothing to discuss with you.  You made this bed, lie in it."  So then he text back trying to be the "good guy" so I look bad (Can you say "borderline"?  I saw my mother master that one), and he got all nice and ended saying God Bless and he was just "going by what he heard (and thought the worst of course because his dad and I are so evil!)  oh puleeeeeze.  Keep your fake humility!  You cuss me like a cur dog to my back and on facebook but God bless me???  I can NOT believe I gave birth to this child.  its like he's an alien.  Oh, he also responded ( I guess in response to my saying we don't know where he lives) "you and dad drove out here 2 years ago mom"  I said "Damn son, I know what city you live in, but you moved houses a month ago!  I can't just put your city on the envelope, bless it, and hope it gets to you!"  Yes he's my son.  And I will love him till I take my last breath, and my heart will never heal from the hurt he has caused me.  yes, I'm in a bad mood.  Sorry.

I've hurt for two days, I can barely breath, my youngest son who's my rock star, forgot my birthday, AND!!  To top it off today, the air conditioner in my house went out today, and its nearly 100 degrees Ferenhite (or however you spell it, I don't care at the moment, you get the picture).

And lastly, the replacement for me that was hired.....she backed out.  effing great.  wonderful.  fabulous.  If I drank, I'd have one today.

Friday, July 14, 2017

A Heart Scare - A Short Hospital Stay - Tummy issues worsen - Is this all connected? -UPDATED

Saturday afternoon, the 8th July, that circle in the middle of my chest I've complained about before, hurt.  <-----understatement.

It started slowly, and over about a minute, the pain built to a 9.  I haven't had 9 pain since my DVT.  It stayed there for at least 3 minutes, then just as I was about to dial 911, it began to subside.  Scared the begeebus out of me.  Also, while it was happening, I reached for a pain pill, and swallowed that with a drink water.  As the water was going down, when it hit that spot that was hurting, my pain went from a 9 to a 14.  Once the water and the pill hit my tummy, it went back to just the 9.  The pain was excruciating.  Its a new level of pain, its never hurt like that.  When it was over, I was spent.  While it was happening, I couldn't speak, I could barely breath.

Monday morning, soon as I got to my desk, I called Dr. G.  Lucky for me, he had a cancelation.  So I got there at 2:00, and described what happened.  So he says that he wants to run this test and this test and this one and this one, "you want to let me just put you inpatient?  It would be much faster and probably cheaper".  So I checked in Monday afternoon.  And I wasn't even comfy in my bed when they came and got me for the first test.  An HRCT.  been there done that.  Then the worst part happened.  After I got back to my room, a nurse came for an arterial blood draw.  Let that sink in.  ARTERIAL blood draw.  At least she was honest with me "I won't lie to you, this is going to hurt.  I have to go all the way to the artery, and that's deep."  I think I let an F-bomb slip once.  And I cried, and the Mr. held my other hand.  I hope I never have to do that again.

The heart stress test wasn't too bad.  I've had that before.

So, end result, my heart is fine.  I didn't have a heart attack.  Dr. G said "but we're not stopping.  I want to find out what is cause all this pain.  So if the heart is fine, next step will be an Upper GI to check the esophagus" .  So that's the next thing.  And we will do that outpatient.  I have to make a follow up with Dr. G. and I'm hoping that G.I. Associates can get me in there in the next couple weeks, or sooner if possible.  I'm going to GI Associates, because they will put you out to do it.  I need that.  Insurance will pay for it, I have a very sensitive gag reflex.  I can't have them sticking tubes down my throat and I'm awake.

More good news too!  The lung blood clots are absorbed! :)   Due to infarction, I don't get the benefits of breathing better, but the clots are gone.  And THAT is a good thing.

Lungs are trashed.  I knew that. 

And!  I don't know if I brought home a new bug from the hospital or what, but omg....the tummy cramps and the IBS with D and N and sometimes V.  The reason I suspect a bug is because the Mr. is having same symptoms.  I don't know, hopefully this will run its course in a day or so.  I feel a little better than yesterday, but its still touch and go.  And we don't move too far away from the bathroom.

I haven't made a full day this week.  And as usual when I leave the hospital, my arms look like I'm a crack head, I got stuck so many times.  Well, ya'll have a good weekend.  Tomorrow is my birthday :)
My friend-girls are taking me out to dinner tonight, and the thought of it is not pleasant, but its Chinese so I will probably just settle for some egg drop soup.  You know that stuff is magic, and will cure what ails you.  Its the big 5..0 !  geez-louise......50.  What happened to 18???  it went by so fast, I really didn't even have time to enjoy it.   Till next time....

Ya'll be sweet.

Later that same day.....
I went across the street to the Chinese place and got some egg drop soup.  Miracle liquid in a bowl.  man my tummy feels better!  What is it in this stuff??  I'm going to have to do some research.  Too bad it won't cure RA, but dang if you have some tummy problems, egg drop soup is the bomb!  I feel 100% better.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Funeral For a Friend - Life goes on

We laid to rest today, one of my oldest friends.  Oldest as in time, not age. 

She and I met in 6th grade, 1978.  We were not in the same home-room, but we had a class or two together, and there was always recess.  Then 7th grade came, twice the number of class changes.  We still only had a few classes together, but she and I and another girl, Lisa (whom we also met in 6th grade), became a clique.  We were the 3 musketeers!  Not really, but the 3 of us were welded to the hips.  We passed notes between classes, ate lunch together, talked about boys, and dreamed about a future.

She came up rough with a father who drank way too much, and loved way too little I think, and a mother who worked her fingers to the bone to make up the difference and keep the engine running.  Long story short, life just beat the crap out of her.  Like most of  us, it wasn't all bad, she raised a couple of beautiful kids too.  But this last year has been the worst of her life.  An old story, husband has a mid-life, leaves wife of 30-something years for a younger woman, nasty divorce ensues, battle lines drawn, punches thrown, bail's posted, until finally it was over.  And she drank.  More than she should have.  And she stopped caring I think.  I dunno.  But she was getting better.  Learning to live on her own for the first time in her life, a great circle of friends who loved her to pieces and watched over her.  Just when we thought it was over, her brighter days were coming, she had even been talking about dating again.  Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, tragedy.  Her mother passed away suddenly, unexpectedly.  Her last solid rock, was gone.   Less than a week later, my friend was found passed away in her apartment.  And apparently passed quietly in her sleep.  It was the last straw, her little heart just couldn't take any more. 

She grieved her self to death.  Over a sorry rat of a husband, and a loving mother she couldn't live without.
My friend passed away.  And I am sad.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

A Passing

My very good friend and someone I have been friends with since we were 12 years old, passed away yesterday.  That's all I can say about that right now.  Rest in peace finally my dear.  I will never forget you ever.