Thursday, August 31, 2017

Pains Rains and Hurricanes

Rain rain rain rain.  We're 8 hours by car, East of Houston.  And still it rains.   I contacted my friends in Corpus Christi, they're all ok.  My son, that one that pretends I'm dead, is ok.  But it took getting Aunt Sandra to txt him to find out, he wouldn't answer us.

Rain.  I heard someone say this is the wettest summer we've had in 24 years.  And you know, I remember that summer.  It was the summer before son #2 was born and our a/c went out.  And I remember that we didn't suffer too much from the heat because it rained so much.  The Mr. and I even went to a minor league baseball game that summer, and ended up getting rained out.  that was one wet summer.  but anyway -

Haven't felt real well since I got this UTI.  I finished the antibiotics, but I'm not convinced I'm over it.  Won't go TMI on you, but well, I just don't think this is over.  I'm thinking its going to take another round.  I'm going to wait out the weekend and see if it bounces back on me before I call.  Don't want to take antibiotics unless I have too.  Just don't feel good.  Can't really remember the last time I felt good.  I'd have to look back on my blog posts to see when I had a "good day" last.  I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm whining.  I have a chronic disease, I can do that if I want.  And I rarely whine anyway.  I'm a master at sucking-it-up, and the fake smile.  But sometimes, I just can't muster it up.  Its getting pretty tight in my chest now.  Really tight.

Two mornings this week, I've woke up puking.  So I've taken to waiting until right before I walk out the door to take my meds.  I refunded a prednisone this morning.  YUK!!!  I don't even take my pain meds until I'm sure the sick is gone.  but anyway, tis what it tis.

The rain makes me ache.  The full-body-feel-like-I'm-getting-the-flu ache.  And still, no phone call from personnel.  However, the official inquiry into my case that was started in July by the "outside help" I enlisted, gave personnel 60 days to respond as to where my case is in the process, and that 60 days are up on Tuesday.  I really feel like I'm about to get "the call".  Once I'm gone from here and I can speak more freely about where and whom I work for, I can better explain these delay's and why it takes so long for this to happen.  But for now, I can't.  As long as I'm still employed here, I have to keep things on the down-low.  I blog from work, and they watch what we do, so sometimes I have to speak in code.  :)  Along those same lines, you may recall how the replacement the bosses selected, backed out on us.  Well, they got a brand new list of selectee's on Monday.  And boss 2 called me in and showed a couple of them to me, the resume's are good, one lady has worked here before and wants to come back, so there'd be very very little training.  I hope they select her.  It would be a very smooth transition.  Boss asked my opinion and I said if I was the one hitting the button, I'd select her.  She's a young married mother of 3, she's not in school, and her husband works here in another department.  I think it would be a good fit.  If he's already "hit the button", then our local personnel has to make the official offer to her, once she accepts, it really only a couple of weeks before we can bring her on.  Our rules are nobody starts in the middle of a pay period.   Its all good.

Ha!  just as I was writing this, resource mgt calls and wants to know what my exit date is.  they are doing the budget for 2018.  I just laughed and told her I dunno.  We talked for a bit and she said "considering what you're going through, you have a great attitude".  well, as I've said before.  throwing myself on the floor, crying and clutching my hair "why me!?!"  isn't going to solve a thing, and it will make my heart rate go up.  So no point in having a bad attitude.  A good attitude makes me feel good.  Its one of the few things I still have control over in this hand I've been dealt.  I'm a normal human, I get down some days.  I cry at night when I'm alone.  I cry in the car when I'm alone. I cry when I think about the fact that I probably will not live to see my grand babies grow to adults.  But then I dry it up and go on.  I can't change it.  I didn't cause it.  The only thing I can do at this point, is make my life as happy and as stress free as I possibly can.  And I only want people who want to be here in my life, at my party.  It is what it is.  Only a miracle from God can change this.  And it can!  He can do it if its His will.  He can change it "just like that".  But I feel at this point, after all these years, if He were going to perform a miracle healing for me, it would have happened by now.  That's not to say it won't at this point.  And the Lord knows my heart.  But I also have to prepare.  What's the old saying "expect the best but prepare for the worst".  That way, I'm ready either way.  There are those who think that being a Believer automatically qualifies us for healing and if we don't get healed then its our fault and we don't have enough faith.  BALONEY.  That's not what my Bible says.  And I don't want to go any further with that line of thinking.  Those are private thoughts only for me.

So here I sit still, looking out my huge window facing the busy street out front.  Watching the rain pour down.  Watching people crossing the parking lot with umbrellas.  Wondering when the rain will ever stop.  I'm SICK OF RAIN.  All I want to do today is go home and watch knit and crochet videos on Youtube.  Can't wait to reveal this "Cameo" afghan I'm making for the grand-girlie!!! SQUWEEE!  It is awesome!

Ok, so hopefully where ever you are, you're not in the line of fire of this storm and you're nice and dry.
Ya'll be sweet.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Happy Birthday My Friend - My Sister In Sickness

Today is Cass's birthday. 


Stop by here , or  here, and wish her a happy birthday.  She's going through a lot, health wise, at the moment.  lets lift her up!  hang in there hun!  We're praying the Embrel will do the trick and get you back on solid ground again.  Much love and gentle hugs, and a dang good happy birthday to you!!

Monday, August 21, 2017

Still Here

I've been a bit busy this week.  Left lung still tender, but very well controlled.  Its at its worse at night.  Hiccuping feels like a stab believe it or not.  And actually, the pain I now feel could just be a "new normal" with the left lung.  I mean really now, I'm even now pushing the prednisone back up to every 11 hours.  Seriously!  I actually forgot yesterday to take it on time, that's normal for me, and was almost two hours late before I started getting the "million-bug-march" feeling inside my body.  That being said, I'm going to do every 11 hours for a week or so, and see what happens.  If I don't start running fever again, like I usually do, then I'm going for every 12 hours again.  but, still have to get through the fall-flare, and the pollen just started, it hasn't hit its stride just yet.  That won't happen until late September early October.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could get back to just 10mg a day!!??  maybe the moon face would go away.  maybe I could lose some of this belly.  Maybe I might actually look normal again, instead of like Joseph Merrick (God rest his good soul).


Just haven't been myself lately.  If I actually still had hormones I'd say I'm kind of "pms'y".  Bluesy, and grumpy.  Probably the prednisone.  Yes, I actually do blame everything on the prednisone.  Maybe we could achieve world peace if nobody had to take prednisone.  I'm just sayin....

I watch knit and crochet video's and get all excited and want to make something, and then the feeling goes away.  My grand-girlie has a birthday on September 11, and I'm only 2 squares into her Cameo Afghan (ohmygosh it is going to be so pretty!  All pink and black, like Chanel).  So 2 down about 18 to go.  It is a very quick square to make.  If I set my self down and focus, I can crank out a square in about an hour.  I just get in my chair and think "I don't wanna".  So I put in Pride and Prejudice (the Colin Firth version, thank you) and veg in my chair watching Mr. Darcy trying not to love Elizabeth, on the dvd.  And laughing at Mr. Collins and his silly self kissing Lady Cathrine's butt.  Gosh I love that movie.  The Kiera Knightly version is a good one too.  It has Dame Judy Dench as Lady Cathrine, and she does it so well!  I love that scene where she accosts Elizabeth trying to get her to promise not to become engaged to Mr. Darcy, I know it by heart, I can speak the words for the entire scene.  "....scandalously patched up marriage.  are the shades of Pemberly to be thus polluted?  Now tell me once and for all....are you engages to him?"   I love that scene, you go Judy!  Judy bad can it be.  She's excellent.  Next to Helen Miren.  but yeah, I've lost my craft mojo, and I can't find it.  I have a gift certificate I got for my birthday last month, to the local high-end yarn shop, and its still in my purse!!!  Only a knitter/crocheter will understand the depths of how incredible that is.

I'll close off today.  Just not feeling it.  Must be the eclipse.  Or the prednisone.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Friday Post

So far, I'm on top of the flare.  Good enough that I've not had to increase the prednisone.  yet.  The left lung is letting me know when its time, for sure.  But not like I know it *can* get, like back last Fall, when I could only get 5 hours out of 10mg, and was up to 50mg a day.  Yeah.  It can get like that.  It HAS gotten like that.  So good.  Its bareable.  Lets hope it stays this way.  Lord please let it stay this way.  I ran short on pain meds though.  Its hard to sleep when it hurts like hell just to recline, like somebody stabbing me in the chest.  So this last week, I've been taking a Norco before bed.  Like I said, I ran short.  But my pick up day was Sunday, which doesn't count, there were 31 days in July, and Dr. G takes off a lot on Friday's.  Like every other Friday.  Anyway, I called yesterday to try and get a new scrip.  LOL...they didn't even call me to say "no".  I got the auto-call this morning saying it was ready for pickup.  So, from now on, I don't care how bad I'm hurting, I get three a day.  that's it.  I'll just make up the difference with Tylenol.  yes Tylenol will eff up your liver over time, but they know that.  But I won't run short again.  I'll suffer.  And suffer I do sometimes.

See that's one of the things that just blows my mind.  A few years ago, "they" revamped the old Hydrocodone, took out most of the acetametaphin (Tylenol) because it can damage the liver, and re-named it "Norco".  So, those of us with chronic pain diseases only get so much 'real pain relief' because of the witch hunt on painkillers, so we have to supplement with Tylenol.  So, you tell me.  6 on one hand, half-dozen on the other.  makes perfect sense doesn't it???  Whether it comes by way of a big pain killer, or OTC Tylenol....acetemetaphin is acetametaphin is acetametaphin.  And what's worse for me, after the second blood clot scare, I'm now on blood thinner for life.  Which means I could no longer take my beloved Alleve, with naproxen sodium.  That stuff is WONDERFUL for inflammation.  But not for me, not anymore.  So I supplement with Tylenol.  The stuff that damages the liver, and they took it out of Norco because of that, so I just have to "put it back in".   SMH.

Going to eat bar-b-q tomorrow at young-son's house with him and his sweet wife, my DIL.  The one who's going to have a baby!!  SQUWEEEE!  so......excited.  a little boy.  :)  *grin*  Must finish grand-girlies birthday afghan pretty quick now, so I can start his.  and the matching turtle.  that's what she's requested.....a turtle.  I gotta go to Hobby Lobby and get some fiber fill for that.

I think we're getting close to having *another* person in here to replace me.  you may recall, the last lady who accepted the position, backed out for a better offer.  whatev.  Considering my view (top floor, front of the building, double window), and what I do, and how well we're treated.  Well anyway, good luck with that hon.  Anyway, we've interviewed two ladies this week.  And I am hoping they make a decision by Friday so the offer can get made and I can get somebody in here to train before I leave.

Before I leave.....still don't have the official "phone call" yet.  Still waiting.......
Hope to be out of here by September.  We'll see.

Well, ya'll have a good weekend.  Chill and be still.  And as my dear friend Cass says "breath easy".

Ya'll be sweet.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Its Already Started

The fall pollen, which  *shouldn't* even start until next month, has already started.  As I recall Spring pollen was early too.  I got through the Spring virtually unscathed.  I don't think that is going to be the case this time.  Left lung has been swollen and tender since the weekend.  I keep thinking, it cracked two ribs last fall pollen, what's it going to do this time.
We'll see.

Friday, August 4, 2017

A New Normal

In the 30 years we've been married, there are only just a small few of those years that we didn't not have a pet of some sort.  We've had quite a broad range of pets, thanks to the kids.  Dogs, cats (at one time, we had 17 cats.  All outside cats, thank you), fish, rabbits, and even an African aquatic frog.  many many dogs, many cats.

So it was strange, yesterday when I got home from work.  Tink didn't come out of my room (from napping all day) and greet me, as she always does.  And that was sad.  Its been over 20 years since we had no living pet in the house.  We love our animals.   Can't watch those ASPCA commercials on tv.  why do they do that??  Isn't that exploiting those poor animals?  Anyway, we change the channel when those come on.  There was a time way back, before I got sick, that we dreamed of buying a big plot of land before we retired, and take in sick or hurt animals, and those nobody wanted, those that would die in the wild on their own.  The three-legged dog, the blind cat, the abused pony.  The Mr. and I both have huge hearts for animals.  I told him we could turn it into a charity and take donations and have fund raisers for food and vet care expenses.  Alas, God had another plan.  :)

We both cried yesterday.  Of the few things I've seen bring the Mr. to tears, one of them is losing a pet.  A new normal.  Do you know how tempting it is to get a puppy?  But that's not a good idea.  When I retire, we want to travel a little.  Take a nice long vacation first of all, and go down to Panama City where the MIL lives and stay a whole week or longer if we want.  No pets to kennel or beg somebody to care for while we're gone.  It just makes life easier now.  In that respect.

Secretly, though.  In the letter I have left for his sister and her husband, I've requested that they get him a puppy when I'm gone.  He loves animals, and I thought it would give him a reason to go on, something to care for and love, I figure it will be therapeutic for him.  Won't he be surprised!!!  I thought I'd even include a card for him.  :)  From me to you by way of their hands.  I think its a great idea. :) 

A new normal.  I could get us a gold fish!  :)  We've had those too.  Well it actually belonged to son #1, he won it at the school carnival.  And then I accidentally killed it.  It was an accident!  I was spraying a baking sheet with non-stick spray to make cookies, then realized the fish bowl was in the line of fire.  and I thought "oh shit.  That can't be good."  I looked over into the bowl and there was a thin film of oil on the water.  I went to find another suitable bowl to put him in and by the time I got back, 5 minutes tops, he was a floater.  just that quick.  So I made the Mr. run to the pet store and get another one.  I don't think the kiddo ever figured it out.  anyway -

Its Friday - yay!  I get to sleep in tomorrow.  Yay!  And I'm having lunch with 2 of my best friend-girls, Yay!  So ya'll have a good weekend.  Until next time,


Thursday, August 3, 2017

Another Sweet Creature Lands On The Rainbow Bridge

I  had to put my last dog down this morning.  She was actually my mom's dog, I inherited her when mom passed 3 years ago.  Nearly 15 years of love and companionship she gave to us all, a mini-dauchshound she was.  Rest in peace now Tink.  And give Happy a big hug for me when you get to the bridge.  Sweet dreams baby girl, I'll see you again.